Tuesday, March 2, 2010

So, I'm a degenerate...

Well, in a not so literal translation. Most of you that have known me, have probably seen me in glasses the majority of my life - I think I got my first pair in first or second grade. My sight isn't actually that bad, but my astigmatism seems to really mess my left eye up. Went in for a regular eye exam last Monday, and the doctor found some "abnormal" lesions on my retina. Over to the retinal specialist I went. After what seemed like absolute torture (they call them tests) I was diagnosed with premature macular degeneration.


Wow.

I'm freaking 32 years old, and I have a disease in my eyes that causes blindness but that doesn't usually come on until you're in your 70s. Talk about wigging out a bit.

Friday I was terrified.

Today, I'm determined.

Friday I cried at the thought of not being able to "see" my kids get married.

Today, I laughed at work about becoming blind.

If you can't laugh, right? I'm still scared. But I'll take my vitamins (the only help available for the disease now) and when my 10-20 years is up on my sight, hopefully there will be some medical breakthrough - stem cells, transplants, whatever.

I've learned since Friday to literally "see" things differently. I will no longer take for granted how incredible my kids look to me, because some day I may not be able to see their faces, or their kids' faces. I will wear my sunglasses, religiously (sun apparently is a terrible thing for MD). I will do my own investigation in hopes of finding a ray of hope. Being able to only see for 20 more years, is not an option I'm willing to live with.

So if I crack a joke about whether or not insurance will pay to have my rottie trained as a seeing eye dog, laugh with me. If I hound you to get your own eyes examined - do it. If I od on spinach and lutein, please bake my man a cake. And by all means, please pass the "eye" vitamin coupons along - those flippin things are expensive. :)